I spent a good (and sometimes bad) nine years of swimming in the single life. I had some pretty great catches and even let a few catch me. I thought I knew everything about relationships with men. But after four years of being married, I’ve learned what swimming in married life can do.
As I come to a close in my divorce, I have never felt closer to myself and connected with what I deserve for my life.
Some people rush into the next best thing, hoping it will fill a void or create some sort of reassurance. But, I’m happy to say, that isn’t me. I’ve learned the beauty in being alone. I now recognize the joy in doing and being, by myself. I no longer feel the urge to rush a connection to another being in order to feel present. I no longer need to hide how I feel about myself and others. I embody who is always here, what it took a divorce to help me see.
There is so much beauty and wonder in me being myself. Yes, me being me, and not living to be someone I admire or envy.
You hear all the self empowerment quotes. You see all the memes. And yet you think, “Haha! Yep, that’s me!” But then one day, it all registers.
I am doing the work. I am being honest with myself. I am being passionate for myself. I am putting me first – watching my emotions, being honest and laughing at my flaws while finding ways to live through them or make them better. I am listening to criticism of those that love me. I am taking responsibility for myself.
I am mastering self preservation.
And, here are a few tips on exactly how you can do the same…
RELAX. There is nothing to worry about. (I would even assume that worrying is an illusion – a cover up for stress and negative self-talk). Everything that is supposed to happen will happen. There is no need to trade or change consequences and results that are already in motion. Let go and live through your experiences – even if that means; buckling down and facing some hard truths.
Also, get excited about where your decisions will take you, even if you can’t see a more acceptable outcome. Ask the question, “I wonder what’s going to happen from here?” Become curious about your direction – and when you don’t see you’re way out of an uncomfortable circumstance, take a deep breath, and try to visualize a great one.
And when it doesn’t come to that powerful image in your head, remember that your current situation (good or bad) is temporary.
HAVE SEX! Great sex – with someone you love! We are in a time where true connection and chemistry are questionable. But if you know for certain that passionate love making is what you seek, why settle for anything less? Why have sex just to say you’re cumming? Sex is not an itch that needs to be scratched. Sex is powerful. It is a way to connect, to feel, to be fruitful, and to see the depths of the person you’re making love to, and the other way around. Sex is not a tool, it is a way of life – like breathing, you cannot live without it!
TAKE YOUR TIME (note to self). What are you rushing for? My Godmother used to say, “Why you rushing to work? You’re already late.” Speeding things along could result in a waste of time. And time is money, as she would also say. Spend the longer hours enjoying your life by being involved in the people and places that you can’t do without.
What many of my family and friends don’t know is that I am planning my third life. That’s right, I said it! I’ve spent plenty of time being single. I was married to my first husband and had a wonderful, beautiful baby girl with him. And when my little diamond grows into an efficient adult (or those that come after her), I will live again, some more. I’ve been planning this for years, but I actually started to visualize and meditate on it recently. So, I don’t have a need to rush what’s happening right now, because I know another phase is on the rise – and I truly want to focus on being present in this one, because I don’t get this time back.
POWER-UP! Buy that book that tickles your curiosity. Take on challenges you’ve never thought to embark on before. Connect with mind-blowing individuals and let the conversations run wild. Meet someone new and expect absolutely nothing from them. It’s amazing to see who people really are if you just let them be. Taking on these little adventures will open a gate in your brain that you never knew existed!
BOSS-UP! Create a small business or a side hustle that will influence someone’s life in a positive way. Help other people do and become better. There are millions of people yearning for help, but have no clue how to ask for it without feeling weak, or guilty. If you’re truly going to another level, take someone with you. Why keep looking down, when it feels even better to look to the sides of you?
HONOR THYSELF! Here we go… DO WHAT YOU SAID YOU WERE GOING TO DO!!! Of course it’s o.k. to change your mind or to alter the journey, but if you find that that thing keeps arriving in your brain (after all this time), it may be time to face it.
While I’m going through my own self sabotage issues, I’m forced to question myself as to why I haven’t completed this or that goal. Most times I make an excuse, then other times I find that I have a fear of something. And as much as some part of me would like to remain comfortable, (even if it’s hurting me), fear is no way to live. That is not to say, be fearless, but to bust through whatever personal challenges that hold you back from reaching a potential you you’ve never seen coming.
Who are you past what you can think of yourself to be? The only way to find out is to keep saying yes to yourself, and keep going. Keep showing up. Keep meeting your goals (no matter how long it takes). Keep taking your time to live in the present. Slow time down, instead of speeding things up. Bask in this moment. Feel the wind brushing your skin. Feel the electricity between family and friends. Smell the aromas of this moment. Show up, and do what you said you were going to do (again), even if it takes you turtle steps to do it!
STAY TUNED FOR PART TWO: SEXY SELF PRESERVATION!!!
HOW ARE YOU PRESERVING YOUR LIFE?