It’s time to get ugly – down and dirty.
Recently, I talked about being hurt and being broken-hearted, and taking the time to cope and overcome.
But, some recent event reminded me that it’s time to turn up the heat!
I believe as women, we waste too much time being cute about solving problems. We think because we brought it up, or found a solution that we have it figured out. Because of our obligations, sometime our problem solving skills are very passive, versus aggressive or transformative.
We need not to only see the problem, but find out the source and start navigating from there.
There’s a part of you that needs to be heard – that needs to be seem and revealed. And, it’s begging you for attention. It wants you to see that some part of you needs to be repaired – healed.
And you can do it.
All it takes is a few seconds of your precious time – for you to shut out the world. Finally make a decision to give up and put every other area of your life on silent for one day or one week, and dig deep to fight for yourself.
While closing out a divorce and learning to be a single mother, I have many moments where I get frustrated, and the feeling of pressure attacks me. Usually, I overcome with positive affirmations and (most of the time) food – which I’ll elaborate on soon. But recently, I gave up.
Now, you have a life of your own, so I don’t suggest you go to this extreme. I’m just the go all out type; meaning, when I see an issue within myself, I like to get to the source of the problem right away, and avoid this thing contaminating my decisions.
Lately, I’ve been feeling as though I’m battling the odds and losing. And, I know I’m not. However, I am anxious. Why am I anxious… I don’t know. Lack of patience? …the possibility of me not having truly made a solid decision in cases that requires them. So in a sense, I have created the problem(s), and it is my responsibility to reshape them and turn lemons into lemonade. (I hate that analogy, but I hope you get my point.)
Usually, me and life get along pretty well – I see what damage I do and I instantly see the consequences. Or, I see the good and immediately visualize the benefits. But, on one special day I said, “THAT’S ENOUGH!” I’m tired of playing fair in a game where everyone around is playing to win. And so, I pulled out and strategized alone!
When I say I gave up… I quieted the distractions by removing people and things.
Why? Because there are decisions that need to be made that only I can answer, and not many are supporting me through the process. The individuals who wouldn’t know if I’m breathing for that week are all deemed distractions. Those are the people I shut out.
Unfortunately, every situation and everyone in my life is under review. But, I will only conclude decisions after I have taken the time to myself (for myself) – confirming solid answers for my daughter and I.
Which brings me back to Plan A: to find the source of my pain and to strategize – reducing the chances of it happening again – a skilled learned when I lost my first 80lbs.
I changed my cell phone number. Essentially, if no one is in their death-bed, don’t disturb me. Shit, if I’m in my death-bed, don’t disturb me. If you weren’t invested in my life then, why be invested now.
I disappeared from Social Media. Unless your running a business and/or getting your life transformed, there’s really nothing to see on social media. As a matter of fact, I feel less creative scrolling Instagram. That’s when I know it’s time to delete the app.
Nothing irritates me more than people who say they care, than those who don’t call, but want to see if you’re alive and well through Instagram. And they think you don’t notice. People who truly show concern for your well-being call (not text), and ask the hard questions even when it makes you both uncomfortable. I encourage you not to settle for anything less in your relationships. Be in bed with people who show up for you that you are happy to show up for!
I write it out and let go of my inhibitions. I use my words to tell me exactly how I’m feeling, rather than holding on to shit for years to come, and having to problem solve later, or when it’s too late.
I live. Sometimes, being in the sun brings things into perspective. Or, swimming and playing tennis helps improve my mood so that I can relieve pressure. Or, looking at a million dollar home helps me see how creative the mind can be, and how that type of power lives in me. Explore and let your gut guide you.
I do what I want. Despite how others might feel about my plan to get ghost, it’s my way of showing up for myself. And unfortunately for them, I no longer operate in a way that pleases others before myself. I come first. Whatever I need to do to heal… whatever I think will work… I do exactly that and let no other person’s opinion stand in my way.
I don’t get overwhelmed by what people will think of me. What I do and how I handle certain circumstances makes me, me! I no longer seek approval to do.
Extreme problems, extreme measures. And sometimes you have to do what your intuition is telling you to. Adhere to your needs. Obey your mind and body. Do not ignore yourself by rationalizing and going with the goal because its well thought out. Some of the best answers and healing comes from going above and beyond what you would usually do – which sometimes mean doing something new, to get a better outcome.
Get out of your head… or get into it! That’s up to you.
But, do get your hands dirty by doing the hard work – the work that sometimes get you uncomfortable and fired up – to improve your quality of life. Whatever that looks and feels like… to you!
Comment below what extreme measures you’ve taken to problem solve….