It’s not too late to dream…in bed.
No one talked to me about sex. I was young, but not naive. At a very young age, thanks to porn, I knew what it was and I knew how to connect a penis to a vagina. I also knew that it wasn’t for children.
At 17 years old I finally lost my virginity. Many people, family and friends thought I had lost it much sooner, or speculated that I would lose it much, much earlier than I did.
But, despite the rumors, I wasn’t ready. Back then, I believed sex to be extremely sacred – a moment shared with two individuals who are passionate for and about each other. I wanted someone to feel that way about me before I gave it up.
And, I thought I had. So I did it. And oh boy, what portal of nonsense did that open up. Shortly after graduating high school, I started having sex regularly for five years with different men. Some for the thrill, some out of complete love, like and lust, and a couple of them just because.
I thought I had gained my experience. But, I was wrong.
It wasn’t until I was exposed to different types of sex with different types of men that I finally decided what I like and need to have a great time in the bedroom (or out).
Out of the many exciting sexual moments, I can attest that only one of those men gave me their best in the bedroom. The one person, always willing to do what I like, indulge in my humor while in the act, ready to try something new, down for anything, and eager to please, most importantly. A true ladies man.
And he, someone I will never marry, make it extremely hard for me to imagine having sex with anyone else. Some call him a F*ck Boy, but I call him honest. He’s true to himself, he’s great at communicating his needs, and he does what I like without knowing.
I wouldn’t be honest with myself if I were to deny that he’s my favorite.
If you have a damn good one, that tends to your sexual needs, and he’s single (or taken by you), keep him. Or, you’ll waste time like I did trying to see what else is out there.
Don’t worry. He’s on his way if you haven’t met him yet. Wait it out. Stay patient. He will probably be the quiet one in the crowd. The one not trying hard to stand out, but his confidence is felt across the room.
To my ladies that are taken and the bedroom sex is trash, o.k., easy to live without, a chore, or plain boring, I have a few tips for you. And, I feel for you!
There is absolutely no way you can turn your mate into the man I am describing. However, there are things you can do to influence him to do better in the bedroom so that you can get what you need, and avoid thinking of a good time with someone else.
Encourage Him – If he does something you like and enjoy (in or out of bed), let him know. Look him in the face and say, “I love it when you do that. Makes me feel extra loved or excited, or aroused.” Spell it out for him. I know this is a pain because he should already know what you like (in some cases), but keep in mind that we are always growing and changing, so what you like when you both first met, you may not feel as passionate about it as you used to, and he might need some updates.
Say the Magic Words – Use empowering words to build his confidence. Say the things you know he wants to hear. Whisper in his ear about how sexy he is, even if he’s slightly unattractive today. The Law of Attraction gurus would say, you need to speak life into him. But really, the Bible said it first (f.y.i.): Proverbs 18:21 – Death and life [are] in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.
Take heed, and don’t take this lightly. This requires effort if you aren’t already doing it on a daily basis. Start small. From haircuts to meals made, sensual back rubs and soft kisses. Compliment him.
Sit Him Down – And then sometimes you actually have to talk about it. Don’t be a pain in the ass, but be assertive and serious. Tell him exactly what you need and remind him that it doesn’t have to be boring, that you want to have even better sex with him and only him.
But I have to confess, if he isn’t putting in the necessary effort to keep you satisfied, that one isn’t for you. Making love is a key element in a relationship. If he wants to keep you, he’ll even go as far as brainstorming with you.
Sitting him down and talking it out will help you find out if there are areas you can improve in when it comes to pleasing him. Sex communication is an important element between the two of you and the conversation should keep going – so that when it’s time to perform, everyone is giving their best or know what to do to get the results they want!
As an heads-up, good love making reduces heart disease and stroke, counts as exercise, improves bladder, boosts libido, strengthen your immune system, lowers blood pressure, and may help reduce certain cancers.
Ladies, are you still dreaming of great sex? Or, what have you done to improve sex with your partner?