I know what it’s like; to feel isolated, like no one hears you, it’s too much to handle, to shut-down, to become silent, to lose control and risk relationships, to breakdown and cry from the simplest disagreement or thought, and to constantly ask yourself, “Does anyone even care?!”
Before having my daughter, I never admitted to having bouts of depression. My family had become distant, I isolated myself, moved to San Diego and started a new. I struggled with the direction in which I wanted my life to go and it was taking its toll. I wanted get to this thing… if only I could have this thing… then everything else would be figured out.. life would be easier…sh*t would come together. And even when life started to look the way I wanted, I still battled with mental and emotional breakdowns, while making some life altering decisions.
Consequently, I did the dumbest thing I could have done in the state that I was in; I got married and pregnant immediately afterwards.
You may not be in the mood to always talk about it, but Postpartum Depression is real. For a year and a half after having my daughter, I fought the good fight of trying to be happy, of trying to get eight hours of sleep, and stay encouraged all while learning to be the wife I wanted to be, and nurturing myself and my baby girl. Ugg! And, maybe like you, I lost the battle on many of those days.
To avoid having another woman go through the ring of fire and popping pills or turning to alcohol to ease the uneasiness of depression, here are a few very sexy ways to turn your power back up and shut depression down – even if it’s just for a moment.
Turn it up!!! When I was a youngster having a bad day (or even a good one), I’d turn up my favorite dance songs on my Walkman or home stereo and put on a show, no audience needed. I’d dress up and imagine me center stage. Nowadays, I wait until my toddler turns her head (or takes a nap) and throw all this ass in a circle – and I mean I turn into a professionally well-trained dancer / twerker, and sweat out any anxiety I might be feeling. I get so involved in what I’m doing that I don’t have the time or energy to worry or to think about my problems, or what someone else is or isn’t doing. You ain’t gotta be a pro, you just gotta drop it low! Here are a few great tracks I’m listening to right now to ignore all the other ish I have to tend to before I go to bed, and focus on what really matters… my happiness. Put on your booty shorts and get to work!
If you’ve been feeling distant and unconnected, you’re more than likely disconnected from yourself. There is no better time than these challenging moments to turn up the love for you and only you. Practice making true, passionate love to yourself every single day, by doing small things. Meditate on positive thoughts. Journal about what you would like your day to look like and try to make it happen (or at least some parts of it). Pray for fifteen minutes and confess to God by taking accountability for your decisions. Drag yourself out the house and walk around the corner or nap at the beach – waking up to the waves. Cuddle in a blanket and watch ALL the funny movies – don’t skip one. Reminisce on happy moments with the people you love and laugh all over again. Flirt with yourself, all the time! Write a love letter to yourself expressing how amazing, powerful, and talented you are. You got this!
LEARN A NEW
Open a book, pull out the needle and thread, schedule a pole dancing session, Google what Beyonce’s definition of Surfboarding is and try it, attempt Tiffany Haddish’s grapefruiting skill, learn a sexy language and visit that country. Step out of your bubble and do something different, learn something new to get new (or even exciting) results. Challenge your mind and it will remain fruitful.
My favorite of all…
Just be your sexy self. Let your hair down. Take off all those clothes. Turn off the lights. Light every candle. Turn on a sexy playlist. Remove the battery from your cell-phone. Run the shower water. Get your hair wet. Rub your body down and tell yourself: I am going to get through this. I have the power to overcome this challenging time and the ones to follow it. I am strong. I can handle this. I define who I am. Don’t rush into doing anything. Take your time and enjoy the silence… the good silence. Tell your brain that you need a moment to yourself. Eat what you want. Have a bottle if you want. Masturbate. Paint. Draw. Doodle. Make funny faces in the mirror. Let the judgments go. Plop down on your couch, bed, chair or floor and relaaaaaaaaxxxxxxx. Woosah. Slow down the race in your mind. Start over. Do absolutely nothing. Let the pressures of living rest at your front door and resume them tomorrow or the day after.
I’ve grown to learn that depression is an inherited way of living from someone we know or some thing we want to be, and we have the power to give it back. Yes, while therapy can be extremely helpful and necessary, sometimes using a sexy tone for positive affirmations and saying no more often can alter our realty.
No. No I don’t have the time. No, that’s not in my plans. No, thank you. No siree. Hell naw. Hell no. Hell naw to the naw naw naw. Nmmnmm. Nope. Not today. Naw, I’m good. No, I am NOT going to.
Or, like Mariah said, “A No No.”