It’s time to keep moving.
Moving on is very dear to my heart, as I tend to have a challenging time releasing what’s no good for me.
But, it tastes good. He smells good. I’ve invested so much of my time in this. The sex is great. She and I have so much fun together. They’ll be upset with me. I am not ready. I don’t understand why this is happening.
Those are just a few thoughts we believe to be true (or not), that hold us back from progression.
There have been enough moments where I self sabotaged maturity – especially with men. I remember some words and thoughts as clear as day:
“The sex is amazing. His personality is great, there has to be good somewhere in there. We’ve been knowing each other all this time. He will change. He’s not that arrogant. We can work this out. We were meant for each other, if only he will see that. I love you, don’t give up on me. I don’t want to leave. I can handle this. I don’t want to lose what we’ve built. This is stressing me out, but we can make it work. I want it to work. If I change this. If I do that that. He doesn’t know what he wants, so I forgive him. Surely he will eventually see how amazing I am, if he would just get out of his own way.”
So I would go on to do the things and be the person who I thought was necessary to please the other party, so that we could move forward together – be good together. Not ever completely dimming my light, but dulling the shine just a little. Not recognizing the power of me being me. Not taking my power back and saying to myself, this is just not meant. This is just not going to happen. This is just not for me. This is not where I need to be. This is not healthy. This is not mature of me. There is better for me. There is peace for me. There is joy for me. There is love. There is honesty. There is respect. There is passion. There is fun. There is success. There is an open door policy… for me! And, I need to find a way to get to it. Where do I start?
But, no one instilled in me that such appetite for living was attainable. No one. I had to strap up and climb that mountain all by myself. I had to expose myself to different lifestyles, read articles, watch YouTube, talk to different people (any couple on the street), and then some.
I began to believe that what I sought existed, and I just had to have it! But, here’s the kicker; I had to learn to believe that I AM DESERVING OF IT! Yes, I say this in present tense because that little bit of self doubt still tries to manipulate the brain in thinking you have to be polished before being blessed.
I’m moving forward, but am I really?
In the moments where you want to tell yourself it’s ok to start over, don’t – these words could potentially hold you back, out of fear. Consider chanting it’s ok to keep going, instead. Time keeps going, and while you may think you’re starting from the bottom, or from scratch, or from the beginning, you’re simply moving forward from a situation and growing wiser from circumstances. You are not starting over; you’re getting over, transitioning, and learning a new and improved way of being. Before you judge and discourage yourself, wasting time concentrating on the fact that you (out of pure circumstance), had to “start over,” remember, that in the mountains there are highs and lows, and while it may look like you’re in a starting position, you actually may have taken the next step forward. No location is better than the next. Our minds hold the true G.P.S. of where we’re headed, so start there.
Each phase comes with it’s challenges and give us an opportunity to learn and grow.
Unless you’re a pro at mountain climbing, lead with the chant, it’s ok to keep going. Keep going. You got this.
You deserve this sh*t! All of it. You’ve put in the work and no one can tell you differently. Everyone’s struggle is different. You’ve probably have been dragged through the mud on a hot and cold day to stand where you are right now. You’ve had to overcome trauma like the next person and nothing or no one can say better doesn’t belong to you. You deserve to move forward. No one can hold you back but you. I know it’s cliché, but you are the only soul in your way to a more prosperous and fulfilling lifestyle. You’ve been through some stuff so that you can get to some stuff. Not all of us will wake up and have every meal handed to us. There will be plenty of days, now and later, where you will need to feed yourself; take care of yourself, by yourself, even if ya closest friends say they are there to help. Lean on and trust in yourself as much as you can before placing the weight on someone else – someone who doesn’t understand – someone who ain’t seen or felt or lived those excruciating moments with you. Go get help instead of asking for it. You want the story to move on? Control the narrative and take ownership wherever you’re standing, and remember, you are deserving of it all being better.