So, you’ve been hurt, or are hurting…
You’re happy, just not with a particular situation(s)…
I know you probably want to climb in bed and cry, run or fly away, or eat your way through the sadness and frustration so that it can all just be over with already!
Your heart, head and pride, hurt. This person, your job, church, or a family member disrespected you. You put your trust in them and they let you down.
You really wanted the best out of the situation and was looking forward to something amazing, but God said, “naw, we good fam.” And because you didn’t get your way, after all the time and tears invested, you can’t help but to feel upset, hurt, and left empty handed.
Here are a few options that you can try that have worked very well for me. And when I say very well, I mean, extremely life altering, eye opening healing.
Don’t let time take you on a rollercoaster!
Steal time for your healing and progression. The only way, (obvi my opinion), you’re going to get through a traumatic situation is by facing it head on. Unravel the hurt, the bitterness, the anger, the disappointment and pain through journaling, Googling (yes, I said it), and talking to someone you trust – even if you think you can’t trust anyone (weird af, I know).
When my husband decided he was completely done with our marriage, I instantly started looking at all of my failed relationships. It’s a habit. And of course, I blamed my husband for more than his fair share of the demise of our marriage. But in actuality, I definitely had to claim my 50, some days 60%, of our dissolution.
For a moment, things were silent. I got back in touch with myself through self-served attention, stretching, and soft music by Sabrina Claudio. I encouraged myself to continue on the journey of healing. I enjoyed those days… a lot. I filled in my friends on my failed relationship and they provide(d) support. My mind was anxious to figure it out… What happened?!
As I continued to think, I wondered why some of my relationships with men were crappy. And yes, you’ve guessed it, my father was a straight-ass deadbeat, non existent. My mother didn’t teach me to nurture anything, not even a damn plant – and when I look back over the relationship between the women in my family and men, they were all dysfunctional – a.k.a. shit toast.
Oh, but it gets better.
At this point, I looked over all of my relationships with a fine toothed comb and notice a common theme: me. The lack of honesty with myself, the lack of value, trust, disrespectful self talk, fear, judgment and, …..wait for it…. EXPECTATIONS, created the tone of my relationships.
Then ya girl said, “aw naw, fuck this shit!”
I vowed that I was about to be better and do better. I didn’t know how to. But, I knew that I wanted better relationships and they were going to start with me.
Step number one came clear as day on December 2017: HONESTY!
I had to start learning to be honest with myself. As honest as I thought I was, I hadn’t recognized how deep it actually went. So, I had to dig – and I mean diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig. And you know what that meant; opening up wounds from forever a go to figure some shit out. You know how you pop champagne and it goes pouring everywhere? Ha-ha. I let the rivers run and the cards fall where they needed.
I’ll call it an, enlightenment – yes, similar to the Flash, season five. You start thinking and realize a revolution needs to take place, sometimes.
Old relationships between men, women, mother, (non-existent) father, coworkers, church, school – ew. I was making a grave for my relationships before they started. I attempted to move on from prior hurt without actually doing anything to heal myself… LET ME SAY THAT AGAIN!!!!
I was moving on, but I wasn’t healing up – continuing to hender the connection between myself and others, and getting by on what I thought was right.
And then, at the end of last year, I went deeper.
I started my own intervention and sought healing and love only to discover I was still hurting. Yes, pain does run that deep sometimes – like a knife through your heart, you have to repair the front, the back, and babysit (a.k.a. nurture) it back to life.
Don’t be on life support with your relationships.
For the parts that are worn, I’ve chosen to seek someone who can assist with my healing.
If you can focus on getting’ money, a career, pleasing and tending to everyone else, you can, and it is required that you do the same and better for yourself.
Keep in mind, I never said your decisions through the enlightenment would be smarter than your previous ones. Or, that your life would get easier. Shit gets real.
You’re going to need to put some shit on hold if you want to get right to business – or, slow some shit down. You may have to hold off on that promotion, it may not be what you want anyway – and I’m not just talking about work – your boyfriend or fiancé, that girls trip with friends you don’t really even like, that shopping spree for clothes that don’t even compliment your personality… weight loss, that special project on your vision board. Hold on, or hang up, and get in touch. You are sooooooooooo worth it.
I’m tired of seeing people walk around in these zombie ass relationships thinking it’s cute.
Not I, not anymore. I came clean and had to say the hard words to myself, my friends, my family and random people in between. I deserve better. I had to not give a fuck what people were thinking about me and do what I needed to do for myself. Regardless of where I’ve been, now, or where I’m going, I STILL deserve better. I want better relationships and to be happier in them. Everyone else could never do the work, but it’s not about them. I’m going to get it, rather they rolling with me or not.
And if such persons don’t want a better relationship with me or for me, we were never friends or fam in the first damn place.
So yes, open your hurt to clear out the old debris. Cry, bitch, laugh, complain, cry some more, get ugly.
When you’re done (and you’ll know when, don’t force it), fill your heart and mind with love, peace, joy, happiness.
Are you willing to heal or have you healed from a life changing experience? Please share…
Other perspectives on the topic: